There are moments in life when everything seems to descend into drudgery. You wake up, you go through the motions, and convince yourself this is just a phase, but you know deep down something is missing. This psychological rut can be paralyzing, particularly in mid-life, but instead of thinking it’s something we need to just grind and bear, it’s actually one of the most transformative instances in our lives because acknowledging that we are stuck is the very first step towards long-term change. What is the key to breaking free and changing our lives forever when we’ve felt stuck for so long?
Realizing You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Many people make the assumption that change comes from sheer willpower, but if you’ve been struggling for months or indeed years, you may have come to the conclusion that relying on yourself isn’t always enough.
Lasting transformation often begins when you start to allow others in, whether it’s through something like therapy, coaching, or if you are experiencing major problems, professional addiction treatment that can offer accountability, structure, and emotional safety so you can rediscover clarity.
This is particularly important if you are experiencing addiction because professional support doesn’t take away from your strength, it’s very much a key to proving that courage sometimes means asking for help and can be the absolute best way for you to rediscover who you actually are.
Confronting the Stories You Tell Yourself
We all live according to the script inside our heads, whether it’s a negative thought pattern or what we believe we deserve and what we’re capable of. The problem is that you are stuck in a negative feedback loop if these scripts are rooted in fear or self-doubt.
One of the first steps to breaking free from it is identifying that you are the author of a limited narrative. Reframing the negative into the positive through language shifts will change your perspective, and this means that over time your behavior will change too. It’s not something that happens overnight, but this mental rewiring lays the groundwork for deep transformation and is often used to great effect in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Reclaiming the Power of Small Wins
We live in a world where we have to go big or go home, and changing our lives forever doesn’t have to be a dramatic gesture, but sustainable change is really something that would be the format of a two-hour movie biopic; it’s actually built through the small victories that accumulate over time.
The small things like journaling for five minutes, making your bed, or even going for a short walk may seem minor, but it’s the fact that you’ve made these choices that signal to your subconscious that progress is happening. Movement, no matter how slow it is, it’s still momentum.
Prioritize Emotional Cleanliness
Similar to physical hygiene, we need to apply the same practices inward. When you think about negative emotions like disappointment, guilt, or resentment, they will linger and will fester when they are unaddressed. Emotional cleanliness means recognizing feelings and letting go of these emotions without any sense of shame.
You can do this through meditating or talking yourself through unresolved feelings through journaling, or writing honest letters to someone that you will never send. The latter is a particularly potent tool because you’re getting your thoughts out onto paper, but you aren’t causing hurt in the process.
A lot of people think of these practices as a sign that we are weak or vulnerable, but the fact is that emotional strength is built on confronting discomfort because in doing this you are decluttering your emotional space, which means that you are leaving room for growth.
Building Habits That Reinforce Your Identity
A major reason people fall back into ruts is that they change their behaviors, but they don’t change their inherent identity. True change will last when it aligns with who you believe you actually are, so rather than using language about “trying,” you need to use the term “becoming.”
A subtle identity shift in actually believing you are someone who is already capable of the things you want doesn’t just make you feel better in the moment, but it also encourages consistency. Many self-help books such as Think and Grow Rich talk about the concept of faith, not faith in a higher power, but actual, sheer belief and self-determination that you are capable, and more than just being capable, that you are doing it! What we have to remember is that once our self-image catches up with our goals, this is when momentum becomes effortless.
Protecting Your Energy Through Boundaries
Of course we can work really hard at the internal dialogue, but the problem is when there are things beyond our control that drain our energy faster than we can replenish it. You may be someone who is too nice or can’t say no, but setting firm boundaries is one of the most self-loving things that you can do.
You may worry that you come across as quite harsh, but saying no without guilt and surrounding yourself with the right people who challenge you to grow rather than reinforce who you have been will give you emotional and physical space. Remember, it’s not just about what you bring into your life, but it’s what you keep out.
Changing your life is not a one-time event, but it’s about a lifelong relationship that you have with yourself. We can take two steps forwards and one step back, but we need to remember that your resilience is going to deepen with each step because the more you practice self-awareness, setting boundaries, and cultivating that purpose, you will eventually adapt to whatever comes.
Change is not something that you claim at the end, but it’s actually a behavior that you practice. You’ll see the impact in every area of your life. You will reduce your stress, which will affect your sleep for the better, and your focus will improve, and you will begin to start showing up for yourself. True transformation doesn’t just change what you do, but it changes how you live.
Want to unlock greater wellness?
Listen to our friends over at the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast to unlock your best self with Dr. John Lieurance; Founder of MitoZen; creators of the ZEN Spray and Lumetol Blue™ Bars with Methylene Blue.
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